Now I think I understand

All these years as a military spouse and I always hear about the mother in law stealing the first hug or first kiss. I know as an adult that I can take care of myself. I have been able to think and react clearly since I was a small child. I am the WHAT IF girl. I think about things before I do them. I "shop" like a freak. I look, look some more, THINK about it, look some more....I do this with everything. Before I volunteer I think about the steering team, the dynamics, the JOB Itself, can I do it AND be a great mom and wife, I ask my husband what he thinks.....I mean I really am the WHAT IF girl....of course in all these years as a spouse I have also been a mom.....so I know how very precious my little ones are to me but I guess because of my own childhood I never think that people carry that worry and care over when they become adults (or even teenagers for that matter). SO, this last week when I was thinking of my girls leaving for camp I got a very sick feeling in my heart. Forget the stomach....it went straight to the place it hurts most. I have tucked my girls into bed or at least checked on them when I returned for almost 11 years. I have hugged them, read them stories, done their baths, and most recently I have walked them all to class, hugging them and kissing them and telling them I love them before I left. I know the kids in their classrooms are in shock but I also know that they are jealous (which makes me a little sad for them).

I really love my girls!


So, it finally clicked when I realized I would not be there for 6 nights to tuck them in, kiss them goodnight or say a prayer with them. I might go a little crazy and look drugged from lack of sleep when I finally get them back.

But, the real reason I bring this up (other than I wanted to vent and whine about missing them already)....was because the paper announced the death of 4 soldiers last week and today I got the email about the memorial. When I saw their photos and thought about the short 21-23 years three of them had lived and the 33 years of the soldier most likely commanding them at the time of their death....I think about the mother who needed so badly to steal the first kiss. I think of the mother who had heart pains sending their sons off the camp (training camp). I think of the mother whose heart hurt when she had to let him leave home for the first time and now forever. I think of the soldier who was left in charge of keeping them safe and teaching them the ways of war and somehow didn't make it either. It is so hard for us to send our babies out into the world and pray that GOD takes care of them and brings them home safely. It is so painful to know that each one of these soldiers left home and many of them to crying mothers who really didn't want to see them go. I guess sending my girls off to camp is training for the day when they leave my home to lead their own lives.....but I don't have to like it one bit and I will miss them with all my heart.

So...all those moms out there stealing the first hugs and kisses...it might be partly because they did it for so long and really MISS their babies.